How to Succeed at Everything – Film

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I think I picked the wrong avenue to go down in the filmmaking industry.      

It seems that all the money is in festival or contest submissions, organizing screenwriting retreats, movie-making bootcamps, designing screenwriting or story boarding software, set-lighting apps, selling industry contact information, grant proposal courses, distance learning (how the hell can you learn filmmaking from a distance?), pitch-fests, organizational memberships, teleconferences, script coverage, panel discussions, podcasts, e-books, Non-exclusive (but really exclusive) writing and filmmaking labs, and career counseling.

Career counseling for filmmakers?

A new idiom is born: Those who can, do; those who can’t, sell to those who can’t.

Things That Make You Go… B A R F

If I see Miley’s ass one more time I KNOW I’m going to throw up. 

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It’s like that road kill down the street from your house,

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and no one calls Animal Control for like four days,

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and every time you pass it, it annihilates your otherwise happy existence.

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Then, on top of that, you have to deal with the fact that they’ve chosen Ben Affleck to be the next Batman. 

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Sometimes I just don’t know how any of us can go on in this world. 

 

 

Diet Tip # 289

I finally figured out how to stay on the diet when grocery shopping.

Go to a boutique and try on clothes BEFORE you go to the grocery store.

Everyone knows boutiques don’t carry anything over size 6, so catching a glimpse of yourself trying to cram your fat rolls into tiny shirts and pants will surely do the trick.

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Then you go grocery shopping.

You’ll want to look like this…

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…but really you’ll look more like this. 

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You may be holding back the tears as you sadly push the cart around, but that’s okay. A little bit of self-loathing goes a long way when it comes weight-loss.